Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Time to Visit the Guru's Mount
I had a fantastic weekend. I simply had so much fun. More than I could ever bring myself to ask for.
Why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel so shameful? Why do I feel like I should be shunned?
My soul is tormented with these heavy burdens and my emotions are a tumultuous cauldron; churning, bubbling.
I
never felt anything but good coming from the others, but I just cannot
shake these horrible thoughts coming from myself. I wish I could turn
my brain off right now. The last few hours of my life have been an
absolute mental and emotional drain. I am in an epic battle where I am
the only participant. I've lost my center.
Part of me just wants
to die. Just get away from it all, remove myself from the world. My own
mind tells me that the world is against me, but, intellectually and
backed by evidence, I know that to not be the case. How do I build the
bridge? How do I connect reality with fantasy?
I need some SERIOUS help. I fear a mental breakdown is what will end up finally bringing this torment to a close.
Please
don't be upset with me if I don't answer your calls, return your
messages, or reply to your emails. I need some time to soul-search.
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